You Cry More (And I Will Try to Fix You)
by AlexisRose84
Summary: It's been over a year since Anna escaped her abusive marriage with Alex Green. Now, with two small kids to raise and demons from her past she still has to find her way to happiness. Will John help her find it? Sequel to You Cry More (He Swears He Loves You) COMPLETE modern day AU
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary: It's been over a year since Anna was no longer in her abusive marriage with Alex Green. Now, with two small kids to raise and demons from her past she still has to find her way to happiness. Will John help her find it? Sequel to You Cry More (And He Swears He Loves You)**_

_Author's Note: Hey everyone! This story is back! I just made it to the January deadline I gave myself. If you didn't read the first story, I highly suggest you do. This is a sequel and there will be things you are missing if you don't know that one. Here is a short prologue to start the universe back up. Enjoy!_

**You Cry More (And I Will Try to Fix You)**

_ A loud crash hit the wall beside of her and she jumped. Her heart was racing in her chest and she bent down to begin picking up the shards of glass from the vase he had just thrown toward her head. His fingers wrapped around her wrist and he lifted her back up to face him. Meeting his eyes, she swallowed hard. _

_ "I…I…." she muttered, unable to control her voice. _

_ "Don't," he spat. "Don't act all innocent here. It was your fault, remember? You lost Michael." _

_ "I…" Tears had now formed in her eyes and she shook her head back and forth. "No…I….I loved him."_

_ "Stop it! Stop it!" _

_His fist connected against her jaw and she fell back against the wall. Anna brought her hand up to her cheek, before turning herself away in an attempt to protect herself. But thankfully, she didn't need to. He was already stepping back and grabbing a drink from the refrigerator. _

"_I have a meeting. I'll be home late."_

Anna abruptly woke up and her hand came up to the same cheek from her nightmare. It wasn't swollen or bruised, but it was covered in tears. She wiped them away with the flatness of her hand and slowly sat up.

_He's dead._ She reminded herself. _He can't hurt you ever again._ But that wasn't true, not really. Sure he could no longer physically hurt her, but the ghost of his emotional vampire still lingered around her. Often, she was haunted by him in her dreams with reminders that hit her all the time.

Giggling outside of the door made Anna quickly check her face in the mirror to be sure she looked okay for her children. The last thing she needed was to worry them.

"Kids, come with Gran," Anna heard her stepmother, Elsie's, voice on the other side of the door. "Let your mummy sleep."

Anna sighed, relieved she had a few more minutes before she had to face the day. Her eyes fell to the calendar and her heart skipped a beat. No wonder her mind had been plagued of nightmares of Alex angry with her about Michael's death. Today was the sixth anniversary of Michael's stillbirth. More tears began to fall from her eyes and she laid herself back down on the bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them tightly.

"Mummy!" Penny's voice rang through the door. "Come on! Gran made pancakes!"

"Penny! I told you not to bother your mother," Elsie scolded on the other side.

"But I want Mummy," the four year old cried. Anna pushed her face deeper into the pillow and tried to muffle the sounds. She wasn't strong enough at this moment to pull herself out of the bed. Soon she heard Penny's voice fading away as Elsie convinced her to go back into the kitchen.

Anna only allowed herself ten minutes of self-pity. She had two young children that needed her. While she was thankful for Elsie's help this past year, it was Anna's job to take care of her children. Anna slowly got herself up and walked to the dresser to pull out Michael's blanket. She held it close to her chest and sighed.

Folding the blanket back up into its small square, she placed it back in its spot. She glanced back up at herself in the mirror and forced a small smile on her lips. She had to be strong for Penny and Lucas.

Taking in a deep breath, she left her bedroom and could smell the pancakes. Suddenly, she felt hungry. Anna walked into the kitchen and both kids' faces lit up. Nearly two year old Lucas, fumbled out of his seat and then began to run to Anna. He lifted his hands up and Anna swooped him into her arms. She ran her fingers through his blonde locks and kissed his chubby cheek.

"Good morning," she murmured into his hair. Only a second later, Penny was also at her side, tugging on her sleeve.

"Mummy, can we go to the park today? Can we play on the swings?"

"Sure," Anna told the small girl. Penny smiled and rushed back to her seat to finish her pancakes.

"I tried to get them to let you sleep," Elsie explained, as she got a plate for Anna. Anna shook her head.

"No, it's fine. I appreciate it, though, truly."

"I know that today is…." Elsie allowed her words to fade and she glanced over at the children. Anna bit on her lower lip.

"Thank you," Anna quietly replied. "But I am okay. Would you like to come to the park with us?"

"No, I think I'll stay here and get some things done around the house. Perhaps you could ask John to go with you?" Elsie suggested.

"J..John?" Anna fumbled. "Wh…why John?" Elsie chuckled slightly with a shake of her head.

"Oh my dear girl, that man cares very deeply for you. He's been such a help this past year. I think he would be good for you."

"I'm not sure I am dating _ever_ again," Anna quickly stated.

"You don't have to date, just be friends."

"We are," Anna defensively said. "We're good friends."

"Good. Invite him to the park today. I bet he'd love to join you."

"Fine," Anna quickly replied, before taking a seat at the table to finish her food. Lucas tried to 'help' her eat by grabbing her fork and trying to shove the food into her mouth. Anna placed her fingers over his hand to try to assist him so the pancakes didn't end up on her lap.

Once she had helped Elsie clean up the kitchen and the children were happily playing in the play area, Anna snuck off to call John. After only one ring, he had answered.

"Well, good morning, Anna! For what do I owe this pleasure?"

Anna's breath hitched in her throat. She had feelings for John. It was something she couldn't deny. But after everything she had been through, she wasn't sure she was ready for anything serious right now. Pushing past those thoughts, she replied.

"The kids and I are heading to the park in a few hours and we wanted to know if you'd join us."

"Absolutely! Afterwards we could get ice cream."

"Honestly, John, you and your ice cream," Anna teased. She heard a hearty laugh escape John's lips.

"What time should I meet you?"

"Ten?"

"Alright, I'll see you there."

"Good."

"Looking forward to it," John said, before clicking the phone off. Anna began chewing on her bottom lip thinking how she was looking forward to it too.

_**To be continued...?**_

_**Are you still wanting a sequel, let me know! Thank you in advance for reading. I hope it was worth the wait! **_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so very much for all of the kind and wonderful reviews for chapter 1! I can see that you guys are ready for this sequel. I do hope it lives up to the first story. I thank you for helping my muse gain momentum with those reviews. They are very appreciated and all cherished. I do hope you continue to enjoy the story! _

**Chapter 2**

"Mummy? Can I have a sucker?" Penny sweetly asked from the backseat. Anna shook her head and glanced at her through the rear view mirror.

"No, Penny. It's too early in the morning."

Penny crossed her arms tightly across her chest and heavily sighed, before pulling up her foot, taking off her shoe, and throwing it across the car. It hit against the window next to Lucas, making him cry.

"Penny Green!" Anna shrieked, thrown off guard. She pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face her daughter. The little girl had her lower lip jutted out and eyes sharply narrowed. Normally she looked just like Anna, but in these moments she had a striking resemblance to her father. Anna swallowed hard.

Penny was not doing well. In fact, Penny's behavior was becoming worse and worse. The therapist said it could be a multitude of reasons, but that it was most likely the loss of her father that caused her acting out. From the moment of Alex's death, Anna had tried to make Penny feel safe and explain his disappearance as much as she could. At first, Penny had been fine. But as time went on and the realization that he was never coming back truly hit her, her behavior had begun to change.

It broke Anna's heart. Her daughter was hurting and she didn't know how to help her. She had her in therapy and gave her as much attention as she could, but nothing seemed to be working.

Anna took several deep breaths, before speaking.

"Why did you throw your shoe at your brother?" Anna tried to calmly ask. Penny shrugged her shoulders, while kicking her feet against the seat in front of her. The thumping of her feet against the leather made Anna's skin crawl. Her nerves were shot.

"I didn't mean to throw it at him. I wanted to hit you," Penny replied, cocking her head to the side with her mouth curling into a sneer.

"Penny, that isn't nice," Anna stated. "That sort of behavior doesn't deserve a day at the park." Penny threw her hands down next to her and shook her head.

"No! I….I'm sorry, Mummy! Please! Please, let me go to the park!"

"Park! Park!" Lucas happily agreed.

Turning away from her children, Anna covered her face with her hands. Why was everything so difficult? There was a time where she knew how to be a mother, but lately it seemed as though she was just grasping at straws all the time. The death of her husband along with the realization of what he had been doing had changed everything. She often wondered how she had been a better parent while married to an abusive husband than now when she was free of him.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _

Penny's feet continued against the seat.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _

"Stop it, Penny! Stop kicking the seat!" Anna screaming, turning back to face her. Penny's lower lip began to tremble and soon a loud sob escaped her lips, making Anna feel like an even worse mother.

"I…I'm sorry, Penny. Mummy shouldn't have yelled at you. We….." She paused, not sure what to say. "Let's just go to the park. You'll sit out for four minutes and then you can play, alright?"

"O…okay," Penny sniffled.

Anna took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to soothe her nerves. She turned back to face the front and the tears began to flow freely from her eyes. Quickly, she began to wipe them away so neither of the children would notice.

Pulling back onto the road, Anna drove in silence to the park. But every few minutes, she could hear Penny sniffling and choking back a sob. Anna parked at the park and turned back toward her daughter.

"I love you so much, Penny. I can't even tell you how much you mean to me," Anna told her. "We can't throw things at the people, especially the people we love."

"But Daddy threw things at you when he was angry and he loved you, didn't he?" Penny's innocent question made Anna's shoulders tense. Her brows furrowed and she swallowed down the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. Anna had known that Penny had witnessed some of the abuse there at the end, but this was the first time she had brought it up. Despite how much Anna had wanted to protect her from it all, she had failed.

"No," Anna honestly answered. "He didn't love me, but he did love you." Penny locked her lips together pensively.

"So I can throw things at people I don't love."

Anna's head shook. "No, you cannot. We don't throw things at anybody. Your daddy did mean things, Penny." Anna had decided to always be as honest as possible with Penny about her father. She didn't want to talk badly of him outright, but she also didn't want Penny to grow up thinking he was wonderful only to be hit by the truth when she was older. It was hard finding the balance, but Anna knew this was one of those times where she had to tell the truth.

After the ride to the park, Anna wasn't sure she had the energy to get out of the car. But she didn't have time to change her mind, because John opened Lucas' door and happily said hello to everyone.

"Good morning! Who is ready to play?"

"Play!" Lucas agreed. Anna gave John a tentative smile and slowly got out of the car. He unbuckled Lucas and pulled the boy into his arms. Lucas immediately rested his head against John's shoulder. Anna was almost convinced that he had forgotten Alex and believed that John was his father. The boy was always at such ease with John.

Of course Lucas had only been nine months old when Alex died. And Alex hadn't been a baby person. He hadn't really given Penny much thought until she started walking and was able to play. Penny had been his princess, but Lucas had just gotten some smiles here and there and a few cuddles. The loss of Alex had not been significant to him.

Anna unbuckled Penny and held her close to her chest. "I love you," she murmured into her ear.

"I know, Mummy," Penny said into Anna's chest. "I….I'm sorry I was mean like Daddy." A knot formed in the pit of Anna's stomach.

"You're not like your daddy," Anna strongly stated. "You are my sweet girl. My sweet Penny." Anna held her tighter, trying not to cry. "Now go play."

"But I thought….."

"Never mind that, just go and play," she said, putting Penny down. Penny didn't have to be told twice and she ran off to the climbing structure.

Seeing his sister playing, Lucas asked to be let down and went to follow her. He wobbled on the uneven ground and attempted to follow Penny up the side of the structure. John walked closer to Anna and could tell she had been crying.

"What was that all about?" He asked Anna. A loud sigh left Anna's lips and she shook her head.

"I…..this is all just harder than I thought it would be. I'm failing Penny. I worry…." Anna allowed her words to dissipate into the air and began to chew on the inside of her lip.

"You are a wonderful mother, Anna. You are not failing Penny."

Anna could only sigh.

"I called Elsie on the way over here and asked her if she could watch the kids this afternoon," John began, deciding it might be best to change the subject. "I thought you might want to go by the cemetery for a little while today."

The fact that John remembered the importance of today made Anna's eyes well with tears. She pressed her lips firmly together to control her emotions and nodded her head.

"Yes…that….that would be nice. Thank you."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

After the park, the four of them went for ice cream at the small place down the road. John held Penny on his shoulders for the walk and Lucas wobbled behind trying to keep up with them both. During the walk, Anna stayed back and watched her children with John. They both were quite smitten with him. They had known John for over a year and he always treated them so well.

Watching the three of them together, made Anna's heart leap in a way she couldn't explain. The spark from their former relationship years and years ago still lingered between the two of them. It was something she couldn't deny. So seeing her children get along with him so wonderfully made her feel more complete.

But she couldn't be with John. Not now. Not really. She was a broken shell of a woman.

John opened the door for Anna and she walked into the building, taking Lucas' hand to help him over the small step. John placed Penny down and she rushed to the case to look at all the flavors.

"Chocolate chip, please!" Penny nearly yelled.

"Chip! Peas!" Lucas chirped.

"Two children's scoops of chocolate chip. And for you, Anna?" Anna glanced over the flavors, but shook her head.

"I'm not feeling very hungry right now, but thank you," she replied. John eyed her carefully.

"Are you sure?" Anna forced a smile on her lips and nodded. "Okay, then, I'll take a scoop of chocolate chip, as well."

Anna led the children to one of the tables while John got the cups of ice cream. He brought them to the table and both of the children dug eagerly into them. John chuckled.

"Two kiddos after my own heart," he lightly stated. Once again, Anna's heart leapt. When again would she ever find someone to love her kids as much as John did? And not only that, a man who loved her fiercely despite it all?

"Penny for your thoughts?" John interrupted Anna's internal musing. Penny laughed.

"That's my name!" She giggled.

"Ah, yes, can I give Penny for your thoughts, Anna?" John played along, making Penny laugh even harder.

"You'd pay double that not to know them," Anna quietly replied. She grabbed a small paper towel and began to wipe down Lucas' front. He had dropped a big spoonful of ice cream on his shirt.

"John, who is your favorite princess?" Penny asked, bouncing up and down on her chair. John feigned deep thought and shook his head.

"I don't know, Penny. Who is yours?"

"Rapunzel! She has long hair and hits bad people with her frying pan!" Penny exclaimed.

"Ah, well then she's my favorite, as well," John answered.

"No, silly, you can't have the same favorite. You like Moana!"

"Moana is a good one," Anna agreed. "Yes, I think she would be your favorite," Anna added, giving John a smile.

"If you both say so. What about Lucas?"

"He likes Ariel," Penny simply answered. "Mummy likes Anna since their names are similar, but Anna isn't a princess. She's a Queen."

"Alright, now. Eat your ice cream before it melts."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They dropped the children off with Elsie and then headed right to the cemetery. John remained back and watched as Anna walked to her eldest son's grave. He hated the pain that he knew Anna held on her shoulders and wished there was a way he could take it all away.

Anna kneeled in front of the small grave and placed her hands on the stone. John looked away, not wanting to impede on Anna's moment with her son.

"You can come and sit with me, if you'd like," Anna called out to John. He felt honored to be allowed in this moment and came up next to her. Slowly bending down, he sat next to Anna. He was surprised when Anna's fingers linked with his and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I…I didn't protect him," Anna murmured.

"Anna, Michael's death was not your fault," John strongly stated. "It was no one's fault."

Anna shook against John and she buried her head into his chest.

"It was my job to protect him," Anna said into his shirt. "Alex was right. I failed."

John gently grabbed Anna's shoulders and pushed her back to meet her eyes.

"He was not right. He was very wrong, Anna. You did absolutely nothing to cause Michael's death. It was a tragedy and I am so sorry you went through that. And I am sorry that Alex put the blame on you for all of those years, but he was wrong."

Anna's hand covered her lips and she stifled a sob. Wrapping her arms around John's neck, she pressed her forehead against his shoulder.

"I can't get him out of my head, John. Everyone tells me this, but I….I can't stop hearing him tell me how it was my fault. And I can't stop believing him. How wasn't it my fault? He was in my belly."

John wrapped his arms around Anna and held her tightly.

"Alex was in your head for years, Anna. It'll take time, but you'll come out on the other side. I promise you that." Anna lifted her head up and bit down on the side of her lip. She wasn't sure he was right. Despite all the therapy and support she had received, it seemed as though things would never be normal again.

"And Penny? How do I protect her? You told me Alex would hurt the children and I didn't believe you, but Penny…." Anna's breath hitched in her throat. "What if she ends up like him? She…shes's so angry."

"She won't," John promised, brushing his finger across her chin.

"But nature verses nurture, John. What if nature wins out?"

"You are her mother, Anna. She is a sweet child. There isn't an ounce of evil in her, just pain. And you are doing everything in your power to help her through that pain. I can promise you that she will not turn out like him."

Anna's lower lip quivered, but she slowly nodded before falling back against John.

"Will you hold me for a little while?"

"Absolutely."

**_To be continued..._**

**_As always, please let me know what you think! Thank you! _**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Reds, pinks, and golds colored the sky as the sun began to set behind the trees. Anna sighed and sat herself up. Soon, she would need to head back home to her children. John had been sitting with her for over an hour. He was just sitting there, not saying a word. As she often did, Anna wondered how she could be so fortunate to have him, Elsie, and the Crawleys in her life. Had it not been for them, she wasn't sure where she would be today.

John's hand came to rest on her shoulder and she turned to face him. His eyes were kind and it made her feel warm and safe. She sighed, as his hand slid up to her cheek and his thumb ran over her lower lip.

Inching forward and not thinking, Anna pressed her lips against John's. John hesitated, only momentarily, because he was caught off guard by her action. But he quickly melted against her lips. Anna brought her hand up and against the back of his head, pulling him deeper.

She broke away a second later, panting and anxiously meeting his eyes.

"I….I'm sorry. I….I don't know what….." She stumbled over her words.

"Don't apologize," John replied, keeping his hand on her cheek. Anna felt as the fresh tears started falling down from her eyelids. John carefully wiped them away with his thumb.

"I…I am such a mess, John. An absolute mess," Anna admitted. "I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how to help Penny. And how….how will I explain to them what a monster their father was? How….how do I tell them what he did to all those poor women? How do I explain that I stayed with him even though he treated me the way he did? And how…."

"Shhh," John soothed, bringing up his other hand to cup her other cheek. "You're jumping ahead of yourself. They are still young. You have time to figure all of that out. And I'll be here to help you through it. Elsie, too. You have all of us."

Anna sniffled, but nodded her head. "I just worry so much about my children, John. This…all of this is hard enough on my own, but adding the kids to it makes it that much harder. I hate that he is their father. That they will have that shadow over them forever."

John sighed. This was something he couldn't fix.

"You're a strong woman, Anna. You left him. You showed your children how to leave someone dangerous like that and they will always have you as their example," John promised. Anna's hand came up to rest over John's and she let out a shuddering breath.

"I don't feel strong," she admitted to him.

"You are," John replied. "Penny and Lucas are so incredibly lucky that you are their mother."

Biting down on her lower lip, Anna pushed John's hands away from her cheeks and rested her head back against his chest. She needed to feel safe within his arms again.

"Why….." Anna's voice faded into John's chest. John's hand came up to rest on her lower back and he held her closer to him.

"Why what?"

"Why me?" She asked.

"I don't know. Life sometimes gives us challenges and we don't….."

"No," Anna said, pushing against John so she could sit back up and meet his eyes. "Why….when you could have anyone…are you being so patient and waiting for me?"

"Oh," John breathed, his breath hitching within his throat. "I….I love you, Anna," he finally expressed. "I love you," he repeated, more strongly. "I will wait for as long as you need me to."

Anna brought herself forward again, pressing her lips against his. Her fingers furrowed through his hair and when they parted this time, she rested her forehead against him.

"I love you too," she said. "You have been here for me from the beginning. My kids love you. I just….we'll have to take it slow. Very slow. Almost snail's pace. For myself and the children." At that, John lightly chuckled.

"Snail's pace it is," he agreed. "Whatever you need."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When Anna got back to the place she shared with Elsie, she found that Elsie had already put Lucas down for the night and was reading Penny a book. Her gratefulness for her stepmother couldn't be measured. After pulling away from her for over six years, Elsie had come back and stepped in to help her out even when she didn't have to. Both of her children adored Elsie and Elsie loved them in return.

Anna walked into the kitchen and began to make some tea for them. She heard Elsie tucking Penny into bed. They sang their song about the animals that Penny loved so much, before the click of the light switch and Elsie telling Penny she loved her.

"Thank you for that," Anna said, as Elsie joined her in the kitchen. "I didn't mean to stay so long."

"Oh, it's no worries, love. I know what today is," Elsie replied. Anna solemnly nodded.

"You would think that after all these years that today would get easier," Anna quietly stated, as she began to steep the tea. Elsie came up behind her stepdaughter and placed her hands on her shoulders.

"Oh dear one, when you lose a child it always stays with you," she kindly said. Anna turned to face Elsie and she nodded.

"It really does. He would be six years old today," Anna wistfully stated. Then she shook her thoughts away and prepared her own cup of tea.

Sitting down at the table, she brought the tea to her lips and blew across the top to cool it down some. As the steam rose off the top of the liquid, she took a tiny sip and set it back down on the table.

"So, I….well, I kissed John today," Anna confessed. At this, Elsie quickly turned to Anna.

"Wait, what?" She asked, stopping her attention to her tea and giving it all to Anna. "What do you mean, 'you kissed him'?"

"I mean it as I said it. I kissed John. Twice actually. The first time it happened before I even realized what I was doing and the second time happened after he told me he loved me," Anna filled her stepmother in. Elsie's cheeks blushed slightly, as a small smile grew on her lips.

"Oh, I knew he loved you, Anna. And I am so glad you made that first step. You deserve to be happy," Elsie strongly stated.

"I…." Anna paused. "We're going to take it slow. I still have a lot to work through in therapy and Penny…..Elsie, I don't know what we're going to do about her. I am so worried."

"She's a bit angry, yes," Elsie agreed, "But she's also very sweet. She's got a lot of you in her."

"I just hope I'm enough for her. Today she mentioned Alex throwing things at me. At the end of it all, Alex got bolder and stopped hiding the abuse from the children. But today was the first time she shared it with me. She threw a shoe at me. It hit the window next to Lucas. She could have hurt him. I just don't know what else I can do."

Elsie let out a loud breath and took a seat next to Anna.

"You're doing wonderful, Anna. Truly, you are. These are tough waters to navigate through. I suggest you call her therapist tomorrow and take it from there. And we just keep loving Penny and showing her that we are safe."

"Thank you, Elsie," Anna said. She wiped under her eyes and took another sip from her cup.

"Yes. Well, how about I watch the children tomorrow night so you and John can go out for a proper date?"

"Um…I thought I said he and I were taking it slow," Anna stated.

"Anna, it's been a year. This is slow. Go for a date. I'll watch Penny and Lucas."

"But what about Carson. Don't you have your weekly dinner with him?" Charles Carson was Elsie's boyfriend. The two had met through a pen pal program. Overtime in their letters, the two had grown closer and closer. With coming back into Anna's life, it had also brought Elsie to where Charles Carson lived. Now the two had dinner together once a week and met during the week for random dates. Anna thought, that if it weren't for her and the children, the two would already have moved faster and be possibly married by now.

"He can come eat over here. He likes the children. Go on a date."

"Fine," Anna said, laughing. "If John's free and he wants to, we'll go on a date."

"Oh he'll make himself free, I am sure of it," Elsie replied.

Anna chuckled and stood from the table. She placed her cup into the sink and glanced out of the window. The sun was gone, but the moon was bright. The moon always reminded her of her father.

Walking away from the sink, she headed down the hallway to check on her sleeping children. First she poked her head into Lucas' room. He was pressed against the side of the crib with his thumb in his mouth. Anna tiptoed into the room and reached her hand down to brush his blonde curls back. She watched his chest rise and fall a few times, before bringing her fingers to her lips, kissing it, and pressing it against his cheek.

"I love you," she whispered. Then she quietly left his room and headed next door to Penny's room. They lived in a nice sized house on Downton property. After going to London to help Elsie pack up her home, Elsie sold hers. When they moved back here, Anna had kept her old home but leased it to other people. It helped her make the money she needed to pay for the house. She also worked part time at Downton. She needed to live with Elsie to make ends meet right now. But she didn't want to hold her stepmother back.

In Penny's room, the small girl was spread out all over the bed. Her hair was sprawled out all around her face and it made her look like an angel. Anna lifted up the covers and placed it over her sleeping frame.

"I love you," she whispered, before bending down and planting a kiss on her cheek. As she stood, she placed her hand on Penny's cheek and prayed the girl knew how loved she really was.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

John was trying to make an omelet for his dinner when his phone began to ring. He flipped the eggs, making all the insides fall out. Giving up, he turned off the burner and moved the pan to another area on the stove. Then he wiped his hands against the rag on the wall, before walking over to his phone. He was pretty happy to see that Anna was the one calling him.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Anna simply said. Her voice sounded light, happy. "Elsie has offered to watch the children tomorrow night. Would you like to go out to eat somewhere? It's okay if you don't," Anna quickly added.

John felt his heart leap in his chest. "Of course," he replied. "I would love that."

"Good," Anna answered. "I would too. Want to pick somewhere and then text me later when you'll be picking me up?"

"Absolutely," John said, his lips curling up into a smile.

"Great. See you then." And with that, the line was severed. John placed down his phone and completely forgot about his messed up omelet. Now all he could think about was how to make tomorrow evening perfect.

**_To be continued..._**

**_Some happiness within the healing. :) _**


	4. Chapter 4

_**A nice happy chapter... Enjoy! **_

C**hapter 4**

A hand hitting the side of her face woke Anna up with a start. She blinked her eyes and tried to adjust to the darkness of the room. As she did, she found that Penny had climbed into her bed at some point and was now sleeping next to her. Anna took Penny's hand and gently moved her over slightly, before bending down and kissing her cheek.

Penny climbing into her bed had been happening more and more recently. She was always quiet and most of the time, Anna didn't realize she was there until the next morning. When Alex had been alive, Penny was never allowed to sleep in the bed with them. If she came into the bedroom, Anna would have to pick her up and take her back to her own bed. But that had all changed now.

Anna hoped that allowing Penny to come into the bed with her would help her to feel safe. So much had changed in her young life and Anna was trying her best to help Penny through it all. Anna hated that her daughter was going through this. All she wanted to do was make everything better for her.

She bent over and pressed a kiss against the shell of her daughter's ear. While she was sleeping, she looked so peaceful. Anna caressed her cheek with the back of her finger and kept her eyes on her sweet face for a few more moments, before laying back down and falling back asleep.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"Mummy," a whisper came into her ear and a few jabs into her side. "Mummy? Mum….mmy!" The voice said in a singsong voice.

Anna turned around and found herself face to face with Penny. Their noses were nearly touching. Penny sat back slightly and placed her hands on her hips.

"Mummy, Lucas is fussing!" Penny informed her mother. It was then that Anna could hear the faint fuss coming from the room across the hallway. Anna reached out and tucked a stray curl behind Penny's ear.

"Thank you for letting me know. You're a good big sister," Anna said with a wink. She climbed herself out of bed and walked to Lucas' bedroom. Opening the door, the little boy stood up in is crib and reached his hands up for Anna to pick him up.

"Hi big boy," Anna said, lifting him up into her arms. His arms wrapped around her neck and he rested his head against her shoulder. "Did you sleep well?" Lucas' head bobbed against her. "Good."

"Eat!" Lucas demanded, pointing his little finger to the door and asking to go to the kitchen for food.

"Can we have cereal for breakfast, Mummy?" Penny asked.

"Yes," Anna answered her, grateful for an easy request. She put Lucas into his seat and Penny climbed into the seat next to him. Then Anna grabbed two bowls, poured some cereal, and added milk, before taking them to the children.

"After breakfast, can we go to the park again with John?"

"We can't do the park today, Penny. You have your meeting with Dr. Baxter soon and it's supposed to rain this afternoon," Anna explained. Penny tilted her head to the side.

"Then can John come over here and play tea party with us?"

Penny's questioning made Anna pause in her tracks. Her eyes moved to her daughter's.

"Do you like John?"

"Yes, Mummy! I like John! He's so nice. He makes you smile, a lot! And he is funny. He tells the silliest jokes. So can he come over?" Penny asked again.

"I'll have to ask him, Penny, but he's probably at work today. Perhaps he can come by another day, if not today," Anna told her calmly, but inside she was bursting. Penny liked John. She knew they got along, but today was the first time Penny had asked for him to come over and spend time with them. But Penny's next question really threw Anna off-guard.

"Mummy? Since daddy is gone, will you marry John? Will he be my new daddy? Be Lucas' new daddy?"

Anna swallowed hard. These were deep questions for her four year old. It was a hard balance. Anna wanted to marry John one day and she did want him to be their father, but it wasn't that simple. She wished it was, but it wasn't.

"I….I don't know, Penny. Do you want him to be your daddy? Do you want me to marry him?"

"Yes," Penny simply answered. "Cause I want a baby sister."

Anna lips smacked together and her eyes widened. "What? What was that?"

"A sister. I want a sister. I have a brother, but I want a sister. And you have to be married to have a baby. John is nice. Marry John to have me a baby sister."

A small, nervous chuckle left Anna's lips. "Well, I don't know about a sister for you, Penny. Mummy has you and Lucas. That's enough for me. Plus, you don't get to decide if it's a sister or a brother."

"But I don't want another brother. I already have Lucas!" Penny complained, crossing her arms across her chest. At that, Anna just laughed a bit more.

"Alright, that's enough baby talk. Eat your breakfast before it gets soggy."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Giving both of her children kisses on their foreheads, Anna turned and allowed John to lead her out to his car. Right as they were stepping out of the doorway, Penny called out to the both of them.

"Don't forget I want a sister!" Anna's cheeks blushed and John whipped his head quickly to look at Anna's face, that all she could do was laugh. She turned back to Penny and blew a kiss.

"Be good for your Gran."

The door shut behind them and John still had a nervous expression covering his features, which only made Anna laugh harder. She couldn't control it. She wasn't sure if it was from nerves or just the absurdity that Penny would call that out this particular evening.

After they both were in the car, John finally decided to question Penny's words.

"What was that all about?" Anna was still laughing.

"I'm sorry…." Anna paused between giggles. She worked on calming herself down. Shaking her head, she took in a deep breath to explain. "Penny told me today that she wants you and me to get married so she can get a baby sister. I told her that's not how it works and that she doesn't get to decide."

"Oh," John simply replied, his cheeks reddening.

"Yeah," Anna added, chewing anxiously on her lower lip. "She does like you, though. So that's good." Anna reached her hand across the console and took John's free hand into her own.

"Yes. I like your children, too, Anna. You know that I would love to…." John paused, not sure how to continue his words.

"I know." And she did. He had come in and loved her children when he didn't have to. He had stepped into a role that wasn't his and had done wonderful at it.

"I do have to tell you something," Anna started. "I….I think I should tell you now before we get too deep." But they had already gotten deep, Anna knew that; John knew that. "I'm not sure I want more children, John."

"Oh," John said again.

"I understand if that's a deal breaker with you. It's just….my kids, especially Penny, need as much of my attention that I can give them. And I….I'm still working through a lot. I just don't know that I have it in me to….."

"It's not a deal breaker," John interrupted her words. He lifted their hands up and kissed her knuckles. "Although, it might be for Penny…."

Anna began to laugh again. "She may just have to be disappointed. A baby sister is not in the cards for her."

"But truly, Anna. It's not a deal breaker for me. I love your children. I love you. Being with you three would make me the happiest man in the world."

John pulled up in front of the restaurant and then got out, to run over and open the door for Anna. He reached his hand out to help her out. It hit Anna then that this was her first official date in a really long time. Sure, she had spent time with John over the past year, but today was a real date. The other days had been times at the playground or at their house to hang out or over at a Crawley party. Never just the two of them out to do something nice together.

Anna didn't want to compare it to her times with Alex, but it was nearly impossible not to do so. Whenever the two had been on dates, which was rare after the children were born, Alex always tried to make it a show to show everyone how absolutely wonderful he was. He never chose a place she liked or anything like that. And every time, she was always worried she would do something to set him off.

It was different with John. It was already ten times better. He had chosen her favorite place to eat and she didn't fear him. No, she felt safe with him.

"Order whatever you like," John told Anna, as the two of them sat down.

"What if I want the whole menu?" Anna teased.

"Then order the whole menu," John replied with a smile.

"This feels nice," Anna honestly told him. "Safe," then she paused and her eyes dropped to her menu. She hadn't meant to say that word out loud. It made her sound like a crazy person. But John reached his hand across the table and asked for her right hand. Anna gave it to him and glanced up.

"I'm glad I make you feel safe, Anna. I don't ever want to make you feel unsafe."

"I know," Anna whispered. A lone tear slid down her cheek and she brought her hand up to wipe it away. "I'm being crazy."

"You are not," John promised her. John could sense her discomfort, so he tried to lighten the mood. "So what are you going to order?"

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The dinner had gone well. Anna laughed more than she had in a long time. John, unsurprisingly, was the perfect gentleman all night. And when he brought her home, he walked her up to the front door.

Anna perched up on her toes and connected her lips to his.

"Thank you for the nice date," Anna said, her hand staying on his shoulder.

"Thank you," John agreed. "Can I take you out again sometime soon?"

"Yes," Anna stated. "I'd like that."

"Me too."

**_To be continued..._**


	5. Chapter 5

_**This story is way more hopeful than it's prequel. Enjoy! :)**_

**Chapter 5**

_Dinner wasn't ready. Her eyes kept darting to the clock on the wall and her stomach churned. Despite working hard to get dinner ready before half past five, she hadn't been able to finish it in time. Penny had thrown up and she had to tend to her. She had gotten her calmed, washed up, and put down for an early bedtime. _

_ The door opened and her heart began to pound in her chest. _

_ "Hi Honey!" He bellowed before walking into the kitchen. "Where's dinner?" _

_ "Penny threw up. I got a few minutes behind," she answered. The smile fell from his lips and he glanced at the timer. It said there was still twenty minutes to go. He walked up closer to her. Work had been hectic lately. He was a ticking bomb. _

_ "A few minutes is three or four, Anna. It says there is still twenty minutes," his voice wasn't kind. _

_ "Penny….." She began. She hated to place the blame on their fifteen month old daughter, but she needed to explain why dinner was running so behind. _

_ "I'm so stressed at work, Anna. You know this. And all I ask for is dinner to be ready when I get home." He grabbed her upper arms in his hands and tightened them. _

_ "I…I know," she stuttered. "I….I'm sorry. I didn't…." _

_ He dropped her and turned away. _

_ "It's just hard sometimes with a small child…" She wasn't sure why she wanted to explain more. But her explaining made him upset and before she knew it, he had turned and slapped her across the face. _

_ Anna pressed her hand against the sting and her eyes welled up with hot tears. _

_ "No excuses. Dinner at 6:30." _

_ "O…okay."_

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

As the memory hit her vividly, Anna blinked back the tears. She was waiting in the waiting area while Penny had her meeting with Dr. Baxter. Dr. Baxter also worked with Lucas sometimes, but the main focus was Penny. Lucas didn't appear to have any scars from all they suffered though. At the time, Anna had been upset that Alex didn't give the baby much attention, but looking back she was glad. It had made the transition for him that much easier.

The door opened and Dr. Baxter poked her head out, motioning for Anna to follow her. Anna stood, her heart pounding.

Over the past several weeks, Penny had begun to do better, but then just the day before she had gotten in trouble at school for acting out. Anna worried what Dr. Baxter would have to say about it.

They walked into a small room where they could see Penny playing with toys, but she couldn't hear or see them. Anna's eyes landed on her small daughter. Her sweet daughter. The girl she would do anything for.

"How is she doing?" Anna anxiously questioned.

"She's doing great, Anna," Dr. Baxter assured her.

"Really?"

"She is. She is happy about the future," Dr. Baxter continued. "She spoke a lot about John."

"Oh," Anna said, her eyes moving back to Dr. Baxter. "What did she say about him?"

"That he's nice. She said a lot of things, but her biggest focus was how he makes you smile." Anna's cheeks blushed slightly. "So as things move forward, I suggest you make sure she feels involved. Let her be in the wedding and make choices so she feels part of it."

"Wedding?" Anna questioned, her eyes narrowing. "What?"

"Oh, Penny told me you and John were getting married."

"No," Anna quickly replied. "We're not."

"I'm assuming you're also not pregnant with a girl then?"

"No," Anna said again. "No baby. Penny has mentioned she wants these things, but John and I are only dating. We just officially started dating a few weeks ago. I'm trying to take it slow for the children."

"I know that John has been in their lives for a while now, correct?" Anna nodded. "I don't think you need to go as slowly as you think, Anna. The children feel safe around him. You have worked hard not to have him overstep. Based on my talks with Penny, she is happy to have him be in the role of her stepfather."

"But she's still struggling. Just yesterday her school called…."

"Anna," Dr. Baxter calmly began. "Yes, Penny still struggles. She lost her father. She saw things that I know you wish she hadn't. But she's thriving too. You are a wonderful mother who has done everything to help her children through this pain and tragedy. Penny may always have some struggles, but as long as you keep the structure and the love she'll continue to thrive. If John makes you happy, go for it. If you're ready, of course. But your children are. It's all down to you now."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Anna had just put Lucas down for a nap and put _The Little Mermaid _on for Penny. Her mind kept going back to her talk with Dr. Baxter. She said her children were ready to take that step, but what she said about if she was ready really hit her. Was she ready?

She loved John. That wasn't even a question. She had loved him for as long as she had known him. Had they not been separated by time and space when they were younger, they would probably have been happily married now. There would have never been an Anna Green, but also, there would have never been Michael, Penny, and Lucas. Despite the pain she had gone through those several years, she wouldn't give her children up for anything in the world. It was worth it to have them.

There was a fear deep down in Anna that wondered if she deserved someone as kind and loving as John. Alex's words still rang in her head at times, reminding her she wasn't good enough. Therapy helped to quell his voice, but only sometimes. She knew John loved her too and she knew he treated her children well. He would love them as his very own. She was sure of it.

Her hands grabbed for her phone and she shot John a quick text.

_Will you come with me tomorrow to inspect the house? The realtor is coming by at 1. Elsie said she'd watch the kids. _

Her previous tenants had quickly moved out the week before, throwing Anna for a loop. Without tenants in her home, she was no longer making money on it. After much discussion with Elsie, she had decided it was time to sell the home she had shared with Alex. She would never be able to live there again. And the money from selling it would allow her to buy the house they were in now outright. The Crawleys were letting them lease to buy the house and had given them a nice deal on it. Once Anna could afford to live on her own, Elsie planned on moving in with Mr. Carson and marry him. Anna wanted to be able to give that to her soon. Elsie had done so much for her already.

_Of course._

Anna sighed, grateful he would come with her. She hadn't walked into that house in over a year. When she moved, she left all the furniture, kitchen stuff, and linens there. She planned on selling the house that way. She didn't need the daily reminders of her life before. It was better for both her and the children to continue with their fresh lives.

_Thank you. _

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They pulled up in front of the house and Anna could feel dread in the pit of her stomach. John seemed to sense this and his hand wrapped around hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Anna's eyes remained on the house and they fell on the window she would stand in front of many days, watching anxiously for her husband to arrive home.

Sighing, she unlocked their hands and stepped out of the car. This was it. She tried to remind herself that the house was also full of happy memories. She had brought both Penny and Lucas home here. Penny had taken her first steps. They had both said their first words in this very house.

Using her key, she swung open the front door and stepped inside. Everything looked the same, with the exception of no family pictures on the walls and no toys in corners of the room. She walked through with John just a few steps behind her. Soon, she would be saying goodbye to this house. She hoped it would sell quickly.

Dropping her purse on the island in the kitchen, her mind was drawn back to the first time Penny had witnessed Alex's violence. He was holding on to the back of Anna's neck, when Anna had seen Penny scared and afraid in the shadows of the doorway.

"So much pain," Anna murmured, glancing around the kitchen. A lot of the violence had taken place in this very room. He would come home from work angry and Anna would be anxiously trying to get dinner ready while keeping the kids calm and happy.

She could hear the sound of shattered glass hitting the floor. A scream. Feel the slap against her cheek. The ache in her hip, as he slammed her against the island quickly.

"Perhaps, we should move on to other rooms," John suggested. He could see Anna being brought back to the past. Her eyes had darkened and her entire body had tensed, as though she was waiting for something bad to happen.

Anna didn't say anything, but she did as he suggested. She made her way up the stairs and first went into the bedrooms that had belonged to her children. The room that was supposed to be Michael's was still empty. She ran her finger along the wall where she had originally put up a plaque with his name.

"This was Michael's room," Anna quietly informed John. "Alex got rid of everything I had gotten for Michael. The only thing I was able to save was a small blanket."

"Anna…."

But Anna waved away his concerns. The final place they needed to go was the master bedroom. Anna paused at the door and turned to John.

"I need to go in here alone," she said. John nodded.

Anna walked into the room and her heart began to race in her chest. Suddenly, she was hit by memories after memories. Some good, some okay, but most awful. Her breaths shortened and she could feel the tears forming behind her eyes.

Randomly, she grabbed a vase off the dresser and without thinking, threw it hard against the wall. The glass instantly shattered and scattered all over the floor.

John rushed in a second later.

"What…what happened? Are you alright?" He asked. He stepped up behind Anna and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. At that, she jumped.

Turning to face John, her eyes softened and then fear crept up into her features. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I just…..I don't know what came over me." Very carefully, John placed his hand on Anna's cheek and gave her a soft smile.

"Why don't you let me clean this up and I can work with the realtor for you? Any final decisions can go through you, but I can handle it until then."

He was so kind, Anna thought. It was such a contrast to Alex who she never knew what she was going to get from him. Anna bit down on her lower lip, but nodded. Okay.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They changed the date and time for the relator to come over and speak with John. And instead, they went for a ride down to the small dessert shop. Anna chose a large hot chocolate and some biscuits. John got a small coffee.

As the two sat down, Anna frowned.

"What's the matter?"

"Not enough whipped cream," Anna admitted, with a smile. John chuckled.

"We can fix that," John replied. He grabbed her cup and took it back up to the counter to have the top covered with the creamy substance.

"Much better," Anna replied, grinning. She glanced down at her cup momentarily, before looking up to meet John's eyes. "So, I was speaking to the children's therapist and….well, Penny needs structure to feel safe."

"Yes," John agreed.

"And she likes you," Anna added.

"And I like her and Lucas," John replied. Anna began to chew on the side of her lip.

"Dr. Baxter said that the children are ready," Anna continued. "Whenever we are, they are."

"Ready?"

"We don't have to take things slow, at a snail's pace," Anna elaborated. "The children are comfortable with you. I well….I want to move forward with you….with us….the four of us."

"Anna, are you saying you want us to get married?" John questioned, somewhat flabbergasted. Anna had always been insistent that they take this slow and this seemed to be the opposite of that.

"Not if you don't want to, but I…."

"No, I want to, Anna. I very much want to marry you," John replied. "But I want to do it right. A nice proposal that you aren't expecting."

"We don't need that, John," Anna told him. "We just need one another. I am ready to move on, with you. I want the past to be the past. I'm ready to be hopeful about the future. Hopeful about us. Hopeful for my children."

"Alright," John stated. "There's nothing more I want in this world than to be married to you, Anna."

**_To be continued... _**

**_I am about to go out of town and likely won't be able to update til mid-late next week. I may be able to update one of my stories before I leave, but I still have to pack. We'll see. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think. Thank you! :) _**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Parking her car, Anna helped Penny unbuckle and then undid Lucas' belt so she could lift him up and into her arms. The three of them walked over to one of the picnic tables at the park and sat down. She held Lucas in her lap. However, as soon as he saw John walking toward them, he climbed out of his mother's lap and rushed over to John. John swooped the small boy up and Lucas giggled. It made Anna's heart swell.

Seeing John also made Penny jump out of her seat. She allowed Lucas to be picked up, but then she took John's free hand into her own.

"Hi!" She happily said to John, leading him over to the picnic table where Anna was still sitting.

"Good morning, Penny," he said, looking down at her. The small girl grinned and began to swing their arms with each step. As they reached the picnic table, John sat down next to Anna and Lucas chose to stay in his lap. Penny climbed in across from the three of them and sat herself up on the table.

"Penny," Anna slowly started, "We….John and I want to talk to you."

"Am I in trouble?" Penny asked, her bright smile falling from her lips. Both John and Anna shook their heads.

"No," the said in unison.

"Of course not," Anna added. Then she smiled and glanced at John, nodding to give him the signal that he could begin.

"Penny," John started, "I'd like to ask you if I can marry your mum."

Penny's eyes narrowed and she looked between her mother and John a few times, as though she was sure they were joking.

"Marry Mummy?" She asked.

"Yes," He stated. "I'd love to marry her and be yours and Lucas' stepdad. But only if you want it."

"Really?"

"Really, truly," John replied. Penny crawled over to John and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, hugging tighter. "Yes! Yes!" She sat back. "Does this mean I'm getting a sister?"

"No," Anna quickly stated. Penny's face fell slightly.

"No," John said a bit more gently. "Are you still okay with me marrying your mother without getting the sister?"

Penny sat back onto her feet and seemed to ponder this question for a moment. Anna worried she would say no, but the little girl slowly nodded her head.

"Yes," she said. "I like you. You make Mummy laugh and Lucas laugh," Penny added. "If you get married, do I get to call you Daddy?"

The question made John's heart stop. It was so pure, so innocent. His hand reached out to brush a stray hair off of Penny's cheek and the girl smiled back at him.

"You can call me whatever you wish," he told her. Penny's smile brightened and she wrapped her arms back around his neck.

"Okay, Daddy!"

"Dad-dy!" Lucas repeated, hugging onto John, mimicking his sister. John looked over to Anna who had tears in her eyes.

"Is…is that okay with you?" Anna's head bobbed up and down. Her own arm snaked around his back and she rested her head against his empty shoulder.

"It's completely okay with me," she murmured into his ear. Anna couldn't explain the completeness she felt in this very moment. Her children loved John and wanted him to be theirs. It was something she would have never forced upon them, and yet, they had asked for it. She felt loved and safe. For the first time, in a very long time, Anna felt as though everything was going to be alright. That her kids were going to be okay. And that she was allowed to be happy.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They did a small, intimate ceremony. It was just them, the kids, Elsie, Charles, and the Crawley family. Elsie walked Anna down the aisle and they made Lucas and Penny part of the ceremony. John also said vows to the two of them, promising that he would always be there for them and would love them until the end of time.

After the wedding, they gathered over at the Crawley house. Penny and Lucas ran off to play with the other children. Cora and Robert had spared no expense on food for the small celebration.

"I'm so happy for you," Mary said, wrapping her arms around Anna and holding her close. As she pulled back, Anna could see there were tears in her friend's eyes. Anna reached out and placed her hand on Mary's cheek.

"Why are you crying?"

Mary chuckled and shook her head. "I'm just so glad to see you in this place, Anna. You seem happy."

"I am," Anna said with a smile, as she dropped her hand from Mary's cheek. "So happy."

"Good, I'm glad. I want you to have a lifetime of happiness, Anna."

"Thank you. I think I will, Mary. You and your family have helped my children and me more than I can ever fully thank you for. And I will always be grateful."

The two smiled and Anna felt as John came up behind her and placed his hand on the small of her back. She didn't like to compare John to Alex, but she found herself doing it often. Especially in a moment like this. Alex would have come up to see what was being discussed, to show dominance, and to make sure Anna wasn't saying anything she shouldn't be saying. She always felt herself tense in those moments. But it wasn't like that with John. No, with John she relaxed even more. He had just come over because he missed her and wanted to be near her. He bent over and kissed her cheek, before walking away to talk to Robert.

"I love you," Anna called out, as he walked away. John turned back to her, winked, and smiled.

"I love you, too."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

A couple months passed and life had settled into their new normal. John had moved into their house with them and Elsie had moved out. She and Charles married only a few weeks after John and Anna's wedding. Charles fit seamlessly into their lives and their children already called him Grandpa.

The new life, new routine was going well for Penny most of all. While she still had her moments, her fits happened a lot less than before. And in just a few weeks, she would be turning five. Penny and Lucas' birthdays were just a week apart. So Anna found herself trying to plan a joint birthday party for the both of them. She wanted to do something big for them. For their last birthday, everything had been changing and Alex had died a few months earlier. It made it difficult to properly celebrate.

Anna had both children content on the couch watching a cartoon, while she sat on her computer and searched for the best location to have their birthday party. A sigh passed through her lips. She knew she was overthinking this, but she wanted her children to have the best.

The front door opened and she heard Lucas and Penny yell out to John. Her eyes darted over to the clock. It was five thirty. She hadn't even thought about dinner. Standing, she quickly rushed to the kitchen and tried to figure out what she was going to make.

John came into the kitchen a moment later with a child in both of his arms.

"I….I haven't started dinner," Anna nervously got out. John sighed.

No matter what he did, the snake still was there. It came out at random times. But there were moments where Anna would fear that John would react in the way her dead husband would have. A few times when he had reached out to touch her, Anna had tensed or winced in preparation to be hit. It absolutely broke his heart.

"No problem, we can order in pizza," John suggested. He knew the best way to help Anna through these moments was to be as calm as possible and assure her that he would never be as Alex was.

Anna's body relaxed slightly and she began to chew on the side of her lip. "Are…are you sure? I can whip up something quickly. I just got distracted working on the children's birthday party."

"No, pizza Mummy!"

"Yeah, pi…zah!" Lucas agreed.

"The children have spoken," John said with a smile. He leaned over to put both children down and then walked up to Anna, bending over to kiss her forehead. "Are you alright with pizza?"

"Yes," Anna said, her body now fully relaxed and a smile on her face. "Pizza sounds good."

"Alright then, I'll go and order it. Get back to whatever you were needing to do, my darling. I'll keep the kids out of your hair until the pizza is here."

It was so different, Anna thought to herself. John always came home helpful. He didn't expect her to keep the kids distracted and have dinner ready and on the table when he got home. It was like night and day from her life before, so she didn't understand why she would still have these moments where she feared him. He had never done anything to make her feel like she should.

Twice a month, she went to therapy for herself. Her therapist said her reactions were because Alex had trained her to be scared, to be on her toes at all times. Even though he had been gone for over a year now, that training could take years to disappear from her body. She hated it. She hated the control he still had over her, even today.

She was happy now. But he still could ruin her happiness at the most random of times. Even though deep down she had known that John wouldn't be upset about dinner not being ready, it had still been there. Fear deep in the pit of her stomach. Fear that would take over and make her not see things rationally, even when she tried.

Her therapist had given her some techniques to use during these moments and she would try to remember to use them before getting too caught up within her fear. The problem was that often the fear would hit her too quickly to react appropriately.

She was so grateful for John. He never pushed, never judged. He was always patient, always kind. She was so lucky.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

A knee in the back woke Anna. She turned and saw that Penny had climbed into their bed and was curled right against Anna. Glancing over at the clock, she saw it was nearing seven in the morning. Anna sat herself up and brought the covers up over Penny's frame. John was no longer in the bed with her. Whenever Penny ended up in their bed, John often would move to the couch in the living room. He never woke Anna and never insisted that Penny needed to leave their bed.

Anna quietly made her way to the kitchen to make John some coffee and listened out for the kids. As she poured John's coffee into the cup, she thought she heard Lucas fuss. But grabbing the monitor, she saw he was still asleep.

She held the coffee in her right hand and went to sit right on the edge of the couch next to John. At the shift of the couch, John slowly fluttered his eyes open. Seeing Anna, he smiled.

"Good morning," he murmured, gratefully taking the cup from Anna's hands. He sat up and took a small sip.

"Good morning," Anna replied. "You don't have to come and sleep on the couch, John. Wake me when she comes in and I'll move her back to her bed." John's head shook.

"No, she comes in because she needs you," John stated. "I don't mind coming and sleeping out here. It only happens once every couple of weeks."

"But your poor back," Anna said, running her hand against his thigh.

"I'm fine," John assured her. Anna sighed, but rested her head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I tensed up last night. I know there is no reason to fear you, I just….."

"Shh," John soothed. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I do," Anna strongly stated, sitting up. "I….I am sure that makes you feel awful. I know you are not him, but it hits me sometimes and I can't control it."

"I know," John gently replied.

"It makes me angry," Anna admitted.

"Angry?"

"Yes, that he still has this control over me. Over us. Our relationship. He's dead and he can still control how I react to things," Anna said, her breath hitching slightly within her throat. John grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

"You will get past this, Anna. You've already made such great strides."

"I guess," Anna quietly replied, before shaking it away and pushing a smile on her lips. "But we do need to figure out a better sleeping arrangement for you on the nights Penny climbs into our bed."

"We could get a bed for the guest room," John offered. They were still adding details to the house. Once Elsie moved out, they no longer had a bed in the spare bedroom. They had talked about setting it up as a guest room. However, everyone they knew lived within a short radius from them. It wasn't as though they would ever need to have a guest stay at their house. They could practically walk to Elsie's house, Mary's house, and the Crawley's residence.

"Actually," Anna started with a sly smile. "I….I've been thinking about something else for that room."

"And what's that?" John playfully said back, picking up on her lighter mood.

"What if we made it a nursery," Anna asked. John's jaw dropped. Then he closed it and searched Anna's eyes carefully.

"I thought you didn't want…"

"I didn't," Anna agreed. "But you….you have been so wonderful. Penny is doing better than even her therapist thought she would be doing by now. Lucas has just flourished. I want to have a baby with you."

"I don't want you to feel pressured. I am content with how we are now."

"I know you are. And that's why I want to do this, John," Anna explained. "You haven't pressured me or made me feel inadequate. You've made me feel a happiness I never thought I could ever again. You make my children happy. You treat them as your very own. And I want us to create a life together. I want to give Penny and Lucas a sibling."

John's lips curled up into a bright smile and he couldn't help but chuckle with happiness. "I want that too," he replied. He placed his hands on her cheeks and brought her up to him to kiss her lips. Anna moaned against him and John deepened their kiss. As Anna pulled back, he still held on to her face and smiled down at her.

"I hope it's a girl or else we'll hear about it from Penny for ages," John joked. Anna giggled.

"She'll have to be happy with whatever she gets. I know I will be thrilled either way," Anna said. John's smile grew.

"Me too."

**_To be continued..._**

**_Baby for them? Boy or girl? I guess we'll have to wait and see. Thanks for reading! _**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 **

Happy smiles filled both Lucas and Penny's faces and everyone around them. As everyone sang the birthday song to the two little ones, Anna felt her heart tighten in her chest. It was this weird feeling she would get every so often where she would miss Alex. She struggled with this feeling and didn't ever want to admit it out loud. Who would admit to missing a monster like that?

But they had been married for six years and had two children together. There wasn't love for him in her heart, and she wasn't sure when that had officially disappeared, but there was a feeling of loss. It was more for her children. Penny had always been a delight to Alex. And today he missed her turning five.

Anna chewed on her lower lip and reminded herself that Penny and Lucas were better off without Alex in their lives. She was too. They were happy. They had John. He was their savior.

Thankfully, as quickly as the feeling had hit her, it disappeared. John's arm wrapped around her and she tucked her head against his shoulder, smiling against him. His hand snuck to her belly and she chuckled. Their little secret. Just two days ago they had gotten a positive pregnancy test. It was shocking. They had literally tried the night Anna said she was ready for a baby, but she hadn't expected to get pregnant so quickly.

For now, they planned on keeping the baby a secret between the two of them. Part of Anna wanted to tell Penny as part of her birthday present. But if, heaven forbid, she lost it, she didn't want Penny to have to deal with that sadness. The girl had been through enough.

"Can we open presents now?" Penny's voice asked. Anna jumped away from John, as if their secret would be revealed and gave her a bright smile.

"Of course!"

The rest of the party went well. The children opened their presents and then went off to play in the bounce house with the other kids. In the end, Anna had decided to have the party on Downton property. It was where everyone they loved lived and the children loved it there. Thankfully, the weather had been perfect and they had been able to hold the party outside.

"Five and two," John murmured into Anna's ear. "How does it feel?" Anna's lips curled into a grin and she fell back against his broad chest.

"Like a lifetime has passed," she honestly answered. "They have thrived in such a short amount of time. Lived two different lives." John's hand ran up to rest on her shoulder and he gave it a tight squeeze.

"They have their strong mother to thank for that," he stated.

"And their dad," Anna said, turning to face John. He had taken over the role so well, so quickly, so easily. The children adored him. John bent over and caught Anna's lips with his own and then brushed his fingers over her abdomen, once more.

"You best be careful, Mr. Bates," Anna whispered with a sly smile. John winked and kissed her again.

"Always, Mrs. Bates."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

She had forgotten that with a pregnancy came worry. It had been two years since she had been pregnant with Lucas and so much had happened in that short time period, that her extreme fear had been forgotten. The loss of Michael still haunted her. There had never been an answer on why he had passed in her womb.

As her pregnancy progressed, she found herself growing more and more paranoid that she would lose this baby. She had been the same with Penny and Lucas. Alex had never helped to ease those fears, because he had been anxious too. He would make her go in for extra appointments and ask for any and all tests to be run. It had only upped her worry.

John, of course, was different. He knew that Anna's fears were very real, but he worked hard on being reassuring. If she wanted extra appointments, he would go with her and hold her hand as they checked the baby's heartbeat. But he never pushed and he never made her feel inadequate.

When she was pregnant with both Penny and Lucas, she had thought Alex was a great husband then. But in hindsight, she realized that he hadn't been. She hadn't had to fear being hit or screamed at while she was pregnant, but he had still been gone a lot. He had still treated her as if he were the king and she his servant.

Life now was so different. The children were thriving and well loved. She was able to rest as she needed and John was always there to listen to any of her fears or concerns.

"When do we find out if it's a boy or a girl?" Penny asked, she pressed her head against Anna's belly and ran her hand along the side of the bump. Anna placed her hand next to Penny's and smiled down at her.

"I was thinking we could wait and find out when he or she is born," Anna said. At that, Penny sat up and shook her head.

"No," she whined. "I want to know if I am having a sister or not. Please, find out soon!" Anna laughed.

"My sweet girl, it is whatever it is. But we can find out in a few more weeks," Anna informed her. She was nearly seventeen weeks now. Her belly was just finally beginning to poke out enough so that others could tell she was pregnant.

"I do hope it's a girl," Penny said. It was only the hundredth or so time that she had stated this.

"I know," Anna told her. "But it could be a boy. You love Lucas, don't you?" Penny heavily sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I guess," she dramatically stated. "He's okay. But two brothers," she threw her head back and Anna laughed even harder.

"Alright, no need to be so dramatic, Penny," Anna teased. She reached her fingers out and tickled Penny's belly.

Although Penny had asked for a sibling, Anna did worry that a new child would change Penny's progress. She knew that John wouldn't love this child more than Lucas or Penny. But she worried that Penny would worry they were throwing her and Lucas to the side. Because of that, Anna and John had been doing extra things with the children to get them involved with the new baby coming. They got them both their own baby dolls and read them stories about being a big brother and sister.

"Mummy! Mummy!"

"Lucas is up from his nap," Anna said, touching Penny's nose lovingly. "Up please." Penny did as she was told. She rolled off of Anna's lap, allowing Anna to get up and go check on Lucas.

As she was beginning to walk up the stairs to get Lucas, she heard the front door open. Turning, she saw John walking in with two containers of ice cream.

"You're home early," Anna said to him with a smile.

"Yes," he agreed, walking over to her a giving her a kiss.

"Mummy!"

"Lucas is up," Anna said, pointing up the stairs.

"Go to it. I'll go and put these in the freezer."

Anna continued her walk up the stairs. She chuckled when she heard Penny follow John into the kitchen and question him about the ice cream. To be fair, Anna was curious too. What exactly was John doing home early and with ice cream? She shook her head and went to get Lucas from his bed. The little boy immediately rested his head against Anna's shoulder. She ran her fingers through his blonde locks and kissed his cheek.

"Did you have a good nap?" The little boy nodded against her chest.

"Good."

Carefully, she walked down the stairs to find John and Penny still in the kitchen.

"So what's the ice cream about?"

"It's was a spur of the moment idea," John honestly answered. "We finished with a client early today. Robert called it a success. So I decided to come home early and get ice cream to celebrate."

"Sounds wonderful," Anna replied.

"Can we have the ice cream now?" Penny sweetly asked. Lucas sat up quickly and his eyes widened.

"I-cem! I-cem!"

"What do you think?" John playfully asked Anna, who just laughed.

"Oh, alright, but just a little bit. We don't want to spoil our dinner."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

She was anxious. Actually, anxious was an understatement. Today was the ultrasound where they spent a while checking the baby's heart, lungs, and entire body to make sure he or she was going to be okay. Usually, you would just go to a special ultrasound specialist and have to wait for the results. However, knowing Anna's history, Sybil sat in with them to go over the ultrasound as it happened. It wasn't protocol, but Anna was grateful for Sybil's understanding in needing this.

"Heart looks wonderful," Sybil told them with a smile. Anna clung to John's hand. She hadn't been able to sleep properly all night. She still had the nagging fear that she would lose this baby.

"Ooo," Sybil said. Anna sat up slightly.

"What's wrong," she quickly asked. She felt as John's other hand came up to cover theirs.

"Nothing. I just saw a sneak peek of the baby's sex. Do you want to know?"

Anna bit on the lower corner of her lip. She had known that was a possibility for the day, but it had been the last thing on her mind. She sighed, thinking of Penny. If it was a girl, Penny's day would be made. If it was boy, well, maybe that would give her some time to adjust to the idea of another brother. Anna chuckled slightly thinking of Penny.

"Do you want to know?" Anna asked John. He lightly shook his head.

"I want whatever you want, my darling."

Anna closed her eyes and then reopened them, "Alright. Tell us."

"Baby Bates is a….." Sybil paused and Anna suddenly felt nervous. She wasn't sure why. She knew she would be thrilled either way. But then Sybil continued, "Girl."

Anna laughed. Her body relaxed some and she could feel John also relaxing next to her. Something about knowing the sex of the baby made her calm down.

"Penny will be thrilled," Anna said, still laughing.

"A girl," John stated, nearly in disbelief. "Lucas and I will be outnumbered!"

"Maybe you'll even it out next time," Sybil replied with a wink.

"John," Anna suddenly said very seriously, grabbing at his hands. Her somber expression worried John and he reached his hand out to touch her cheek.

"What's the matter, my darling?"

"Nothing….I just….I want to name her for your mother," she said. John's eyes watered with tears. "She was a victim like I was, but she wasn't as lucky. I want to honor her."

"Oh Anna," John replied, touched. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. She was your mother and I know how much she means to you, John."

John felt as tears slid down his cheeks and he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"How about Eliza?" John asked. "A shortened form of Elizabeth? Allow her to be her own person, but still honor my mum?"

"I love it," Anna said, bending over and catching his lips with her own. "And I love you."

"You too, my darling."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

_They had given her drugs to help start labor. But her baby was gone. Sybil and another doctor had both confirmed his passing. Once she delivered him, he wouldn't cry. He wouldn't move. _

_ Alex stood by her with his hand holding hers. He didn't say anything, though. No, he was stone faced and kept asking Sybil how long this was going to take. Anna was crying. She couldn't stop. This wasn't how her pregnancy was supposed to end. She was supposed to have a beautiful baby boy that she took home with her. _

_ Suddenly the baby was born and everything felt strange. Anna turned and Alex was no longer beside her. It was John. Sybil threw a blanket over the baby's head and Anna's head shook. _

_ "Eliza?" She asked, her breaths short. _

_ "So sorry, Anna."_

_ "NO!" _

_ "I told you she was worthless." It was Alex's voice. John was walking over to him and the two began to speak in murmured voices. _

_ "But it wasn't my fault. I…I loved them! I don't understand! I…I…..I"_

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Anna, my darling?" John's gentle voice rang in her ear. Anna slowly opened her eyes to find John sitting on the edge of the couch. She had fallen asleep after putting Lucas down for a nap. She sat up and pressed her hand against her forehead. Everything felt dizzy.

"Are you alright?" John asked her.

"Where…where are the children?"

"Playing in the playroom," John answered. He inched up closer to Anna and placed his hand over her now large, thirty-seven week belly. Generally when he touched it, the baby would kick against the pressure. There was no movement this time. Anna immediately sat up sharper, ignoring the fuzziness in her head.

"She…she didn't move," she said with panic in her voice.

"Maybe she's sleeping," John gently replied. Anna's head shook.

"She's usually very active when I sleep," she answered.

"Why don't I get you some juice to drink and we'll see if that gets her up and going?" John offered. He understood where Anna's panic came from, but he didn't want them to rush to the hospital if it was just the baby sleeping.

"In two days is his birthday," Anna cried. "It…it's happening again." Once more, she pressed her hand against her forehead. If she hadn't been sitting, she was sure she was going to fall over.

"My darling, are you feeling alright?"

"No," Anna cried. "I…I…everything is blurry and I feel like I'm about to faint. And….and she's not moving, John. She….she's not….." Anna's body then gave out and she felt back against the cushions on the couch.

"Anna!"

**_To be continued..._**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

They had rushed Anna back into a room and John was left to pace back and forth in the narrow hallway. Anna had woken up briefly, confused and scared. John wanted to stay with her, but they forced him out of the room.

"John?" Sybil's voice questioned, coming down the long hallway. As soon as Anna had passed out, John had called Sybil. She told him to call the ambulance and that she would meet him there. He was so glad to see her face. Sybil would let him know what was going on with Anna.

"She…she's in there. They won't…."

"I'll go and see what I can find out, alright?"

John nodded. There was a deep fear in the pit of his stomach. Anna had known something was going to go wrong. She had told him the entire pregnancy, but he had thought it was just her past fears haunting them. What if he could have done more and he hadn't done enough?

It seemed as though Sybil was gone for a long time, but in actuality it was only five minutes.

"Anna's blood pressure is extremely low and the baby's heartrate is erratic," Sybil began to explain. "We believe the baby is suffering from fetal hypoxia."

"What does that mean?" John worriedly asked. Whatever it was didn't sound positive.

"The baby isn't getting enough oxygen and Anna appears to be suffering, as well. Right now, we are monitoring the baby and Anna closely. It is highly likely that we will need to perform an emergency c-section if we cannot regulate Anna's blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat."

John's hand came up to cover his mouth and he could feel tears threatening to escape.

"Can I see her?" He asked. He needed to see his wife, to hold her hand, and be there with her.

"Yes, they are moving her to a room in the maternity ward. I'll take you that way now."

John followed Sybil to the elevator, while thoughts of losing Anna and Eliza plagued his mind. He couldn't lose them. And if Anna pulled through, but the baby didn't, John knew she might just completely break. Anna had been through so much. Tears prickled behind his eyes and his thoughts moved to Penny and Lucas who were at home with Elsie. What would he do if they lost their mother?

_No_, he told himself. He couldn't think like that, not right now. Anna and the baby were in good hands. He just had to have faith that they would both pull through.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When she woke up, Anna's hand came up to her temple and she winced. The room was bright and there were so many loud beeps all around her. Fingers came around her other hand, holding her tight.

"What…what…." Anna murmured.

"Shh," John's voice soothed. She blinked her eyes and glanced toward the sound.

"John?" She cried. John inched himself closer to Anna, bringing his hand to rest against his cheek.

"I'm here, my darling."

"What….what's going on?" Anna asked. Then her eyes grew with panic. "Eliza? Where…where's Eliza?"

"Still right here," John said, placing his hand protectively on top of her stomach. It was then that Anna noticed monitors hooked up to her belly and the small tubes coming up around her nose to give her oxygen. She now recalled not feeling Eliza moving in her stomach and the dizziness she had felt, before fading into blackness.

"Is she okay?" At her question, John's eyes faltered. Anna inhaled sharply and her head shook. "What…what's wrong?" Tears began to spill from her eyes. She was going to lose her. She had known it. John's hand came up to wipe away some of her tears, and then cradled her cheek with his hand.

"They have gotten you both stable, for now," John explained evenly. "Eliza wasn't getting enough oxygen. They are monitoring you both closely." Anna's eyes searched John's for any indication of how badly that was. While he had a calm exterior, Anna could see the fear and panic within his eyes. Her body shook with more tears.

"This is all my fault," Anna cried. "I should have noticed sooner!"

"No, no, my darling," John calmed. "It is not your fault."

"But she's in my body. It's my job to protect her," Anna continued to sob. John carefully climbed into the bed next to Anna, pulling her into his arms. As Anna's head rested against his chest, he ran his hand up and down her arm to help soothe her.

"You couldn't have done anything to prevent this, Anna. It is _not_ your fault."

"It's like Michael. I…I failed him too," Anna continued, not hearing what John was really saying.

"You didn't fail, Michael, my love. And you aren't failing Eliza."

"What…what if we lose her?" Anna questioned, her body shaking against John.

John's jaw clinched. Based on what Sybil had said, that could be a real possibility. So he couldn't promise Anna that they wouldn't, no matter how unlikely it could be. Anna had already gone through the pain of losing one child.

"They are doing everything in their power to make sure you and Eliza remain safe," John finally said. "Sybil has been coming in every hour checking on you both."

"I….I can't go through this again, John. I….I can't," Anna sobbed, as her hand clutched tightly against his shirt.

"Shh," John murmured. "Shh."

Anna remained in John's arms for a while and they listened as the heart monitor beeped showing them that their daughter was still alive, still fighting. Anna found that it was the sound that kept her from completely giving up hope of their daughter's survival. That miraculous beep let them know she was alive.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

By day two, things seemed to be looking up. Sybil did inform them that Anna would have to remain in the hospital until the baby was born. Both she and Eliza would need to be monitored from this point on. Anna couldn't remember what all they had done for them, all Anna knew was that Eliza's heartrate was steady and that her blood pressure was where they wanted it. It gave her some relief, but tomorrow was Michael's 7th birthday, so she had a bad feeling about that date.

She had grown quiet and her eyes were stuck on the corner of the wall. John noticed her solemn demeanor. He got up from the seat on the small couch and walked over to sit next to her.

"Anna? Are you alright?"

"He would be seven tomorrow," Anna murmured. "A seven year old." John reached his hand over and linked their hands together.

"I know," he whispered. He wished he could take her to visit Michael's grave tomorrow. He wished they weren't going through this right now. He wished he could make everything alright for her.

"I just….I can't get this feeling of dread to leave my body, John. It's like I know I'm going to lose her too, even though we are here and they are monitoring us closely. I can't get that feeling to go away."

"I know," he said again. He brought his hand up to rest on her belly and Eliza gave it a little kick. That small kick made them both laugh. It was their sign that Eliza was still there and not to give up hope on her, yet.

-X-X-X-X-X-

That night, as John was sleeping on the small uncomfortable cot, a loud blaring sound made him shoot up. The door was pushed open and a nurse ran into the room, turning on the lights. John's eyes widened, as the nurse tried to adjust the monitor on Anna's belly and Anna glanced over to him, panicked.

"What….what's going on?" John finally asked, as his wits came back to him. He rushed to Anna's side and tried to stay out of the nurse's way.

"Baby's heartbeat has dropped," she answered. "Trying to see if the baby has moved. I need you to turn to your side," the nurse instructed. Anna did a she was told and her eyes remained on the nurse's face. Concern and worry was etched all over it and Anna's stomach dropped.

The nurse bent over and pressed a button.

"Is…is Dr. Branson here?" Anna nervously questioned.

"Yes, I just called for her to come in here."

Anna moved to various positions, as the nurse tried to find the baby's heartbeat. Then she placed an oxygen mask over Anna and told her to take deep breaths.

Moments later, Sybil came into the room with a gentle and kind smile on her face. She brought the nurse over to her to speak quietly for a moment, before walking back over to Anna and trying a few different positions herself.

"Alright," Sybil quickly began. "We're going to have to deliver the baby now."

"But…it's still early," Anna cried. Sybil took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"This is what's best, Anna. I promise you. We need to hurry into the operating room to give Eliza the best chance. Alright?"

Anna swallowed hard, but nodded.

"John, follow the nurse and she'll take you to the room to get ready."

John bent over and kissed Anna's head. "Soon, we'll have our baby girl," he murmured into her hair, before following the nurse.

"Sybil…" Anna cried, feeling completely helpless. Sybil squeezed her hand again and gave her a small smile.

"I will be there the whole time and John will be holding your hand."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

From that moment, everything had gone so quickly and became a blur. Anna had never had a cesarean before and so this was all very new to her. She felt vulnerable on the operating table, but was grateful for John's strong hand around hers. He whispered words of encouragement into her ear.

And just as quickly as things began, they ended. The baby was lifted up for them both to see, before rushed off to an incubator. She had the smallest cry, which let them know she was alive.

"She's beautiful," John exclaimed. "She's here."

"Go…go see how she's doing, please."

As Sybil closed Anna up, John did as Anna asked. He walked as close to the nurses as he could and watched as they cleared out her passages and set her down to weigh her. Sybil followed suit a moment later and took over. She wrapped the baby into a blanket and handed her to John.

"She's perfect," Sybil told him. John glanced down to the bundle in his arms and could feel himself about to cry. She was here. Their daughter was here and she was okay. "Now take her to see her mama."

John didn't have to be told twice. He sat down in the chair next to Anna's head and gently lifted the small babe so that Anna could see her.

"And she's okay?" Anna asked Sybil, as she reached out to touch the baby's small cheek.

"Yes, she's perfect," Sybil said, again. "Born at 12:04 am on April 6th." Anna's eyes widened.

"Michael's birthday," Anna stated. "She….she was born on his birthday."

"A gift from her brother," John happily said, bending over to kiss Eliza's forehead.

"What's her name?" Sybil asked.

"Eliza Michelle Bates," Anna replied. "Eliza after John's mother and Michelle after her brother."

"It's beautiful. Now we'll get you into a recovery room so you can hold her, okay?'

"Okay. Thank you, Sybil. Truly."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna placed her finger out for Eliza to wrap her little hand around and she smiled. She was here; her daughter was here. John sat down next to them both and cradled the back of the baby's head with his hand.

"Is…is it alright that I gave her the middle name Michelle? I didn't even think to ask you. I just felt since her birthday….."

"It's perfect," John assured her. "Just like she is, just like Lucas and Penny are, and just like you."

"And you," Anna added, resting her head on his shoulder. "I….I feel…"

"Tired? Do you want me to take the baby so you can rest?" John offered. Anna shook her head. She had no intention of putting Eliza down any time soon.

"No, at ease. Like from here on out, we're going to be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And thank you for reassuring me with everything. You truly are the best," Anna told John with a smile. Then she bent forward to give him a kiss.

"Well, second to you, my darling," he said with a wink. Eliza cooed at that moment, making them both chuckle. "You're right," John murmured to her. "You and your siblings are number one. I'll settle for third place."

"I love you," Anna said with a smile.

"I love you, too."

_**To be continued...**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry this took so long to complete, but here it is. Thanks for reading!**

_**Two Years Later**_

"Mum! Mummy!" Penny's voice called from the other side of the house. Anna wiped the syrup off the table from breakfast, before heading over toward the playroom. When she entered the room, she saw that Penny had dressed both Lucas and Eliza up from head to toe.

"Mummy, I'm a puppy dog!" Lucas exclaimed.

"And a very cute one, too," Anna happily replied to her almost 5 year old. His and Penny's birthdays were coming up in the next couple of weeks.

"I…pincess," two year old Eliza fumbled out. "I pretty!"

"You are very pretty," Anna agreed.

Ever since Anna had brought Eliza home, Penny had treated her like her little baby doll to dress up and play princesses with. Thankfully, Eliza was an easy going baby who went along with it. Lucas would sometimes join in with the dress up too.

Anna heard the front door open and glanced through the playroom door to see that John had arrived home.

"Daddy's home," Anna told them. Penny, Lucas, and Eliza all rushed out to see John.

"Hello," he said to all three. Lucas made it first, begging to be picked up. John lifted him up and he chuckled. "What's happened to the other children Penny? All I see is a puppy and a princess. Have Lucas and Eliza disappeared?" John joked. Penny shook her head and rolled her eyes. At nearly 8, she was starting to understand that dad humor could be a bit corny.

"Dad," she said, "You know that's them."

"Ruff! Ruff!" Lucas barked.

"I don't know," John playfully replied. "This dog is a loud barker," he tickled Lucas' stomach, making him giggle.

"Stop, daddy! Stop!" Lucas laughed. Anna just smiled. She loved seeing the children with John. There was absolutely no difference in how he treated Penny and Lucas with how he treated Eliza. He loved all three the same.

Before Eliza had been born, they had spoken of possibly having a fourth child. However, after all that had happened while she was pregnant, they decided it wasn't worth the risk. They were happy and thrilled with the three children they had.

"Up, Daddy!" Eliza commanded. John kissed the top of Lucas' head, before letting him down and then lifting up Eliza, who had waited long enough for her turn. The little girl rested her head on John's shoulder and wrapped her little arms around his neck.

Anna smiled. Had you told her five years ago that she would be here now, she would have never believed you.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

That night, they began the bedtime routine for the two oldest children. Eliza went down an hour before they did. Usually, they would allow Penny to read quietly in her room while they put Lucas down.

"Good night, Lucas," Anna murmured, as the little boy's eyes grew hazy with sleep. She kissed his cheek and placed his lovey in his arms.

"Night, Mummy and Daddy," he replied. John ruffled his hair with his hands and then the two stood, walking back to Penny's room.

Since John and Anna had gotten married they had always done the bedtimes together. It was their tradition. To start, it had been to show the children that they would always be there for them. And then they just kept it up. There had been exceptions when John had to work late or Anna went out with her friends, but generally they did it together.

"Would you like us to read you a book tonight?" John offered to Penny. Penny's head shook.

"Dad, I can read," she reminded him.

"Would you like to read us a book?"

Penny shook her head again.

"I do have a birthday request," Penny told the two of them. Both John and Anna met eyes, nearly chuckling. Bedtime was always when Penny tended to pull out her big requests. She somehow knew they were the biggest softies at nighttime.

"Alright," Anna began, with a small, playful smile on her lips. "What is it?"

"Well, it's for me and Lucas," Penny began diplomatically. "Not just for me."

"Oh," John replied.

"We want your last name," Penny said, her lips falling into a serious line. "And for you to be our dad, good and proper."

John was hit by a myriad of emotions. His eyes welled with tears and he felt as Anna grasped his hand tightly. It was something the two of them had spoken about often since the two had gotten married. And they had spoken to the therapist about it as well. But in the end, they decided it needed to be the children's decision. Alex Green was their father whether or not they liked it and the children had to decide to make that break, not them.

"Really?" John finally asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"Yes," Penny strongly stated. "I want to be Penelope May Bates and Lucas told me he wants to be Lucas John Bates."

"John?" Anna asked.

"Yes, he wants his middle name to be Daddy's name," Penny stated. "So can we? And can you adopt us? Can we all be a proper family?"

"We are a proper family," Anna told her. "But we can make it official. We can make John your official Daddy and Bates your last name."

"Truly?" Penny asked, her little lips curling into a smile.

"Truly," both John and Anna replied. Penny jumped up and wrapped her arms around both of her parents' necks.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When they got into their bedroom, John let out a sob. Anna turned to him and placed her hand lovingly on his cheek.

"Are you alright?" She asked, her thumb running along his cheek bone.

"Absolutely, I just am so happy," John replied, covering Anna's hand with his own.

"Me too," Anna said, smiling. "You saved us, John. You've given us such a wonderful life and for that I can never thank you enough."

John stepped forward and caught Anna's lips with his own.

"I love you, Anna."

"I love you, too. We all love you, so very much." Anna kissed him again. Then their foreheads connected and they both contently sighed.

There had been a time when Anna hadn't believed in happy endings, but now she knew there were happy beginnings and happy middles that existed in between. And the shadow of Alex Green grew weaker and weaker each day.

**The End**


End file.
